How to Know If You Are a Lesbian

Figuring out your sexuality can take time, and it’s not something you should rush. It’s completely normal to be unsure about your orientation.

How to Know If You Are a Lesbian
How to Know If You Are a Lesbian

LES stands for Leave and Earnings Statement – the military pay stub that shows all entitlements, deductions and allowances. It is a vital part of a service member’s monthly paycheck.

1. You’ve had one relationship with a woman

One of the most common ways to know if you are a lesbian is to have had a relationship with a woman. This may be a romantic relationship, or it may be just a platonic friendship. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was short or long, just that you had one with a woman.

You also might be a lesbian if you find yourself fantasizing about women in bed with you. While many people think of this as a sign that they are bisexual, it can actually be a sign that you are a lesbian.

You might even notice that you are attracted to women when you look at other people, such as in the way you stare at them or the way you touch their arm. This is known as gaydar, and it can be a great indicator of sexual orientation.

2. You’re attracted to women

If your eyes glaze over when you see a cute girl and you start to fantasize about her curves, luscious skin, ruby red lips, and blonde hair—well, that’s probably a sign that you’re not straight.

Women often find themselves attracted to other women — it’s just part of being sapphic. Usually, these feelings are paired with jealousy. If your female friend shows signs of being clingy or jealous of you spending time with your other female friends, that’s another clear-cut sign that she may be attracted to you as more than just a platonic friend.

While it might be easy to roll your eyes at these signs, remember that many people who identify as lesbians struggle to understand their sexuality. Understanding your sexuality takes time and self-exploration.

3. You’re a part of a lesbian community

Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a wellness journalist committed to helping people feel good in their bodies. Her work has been featured in Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, and Healthline. She also coaches CrossFit and enjoys eating kale, playing with her border collie, and reviewing pleasure products.

You may feel like a lesbian in part because you are surrounded by people who are. You know lesbian friends, you’ve seen lesbian porn, and you watch shows or read articles about lesbian couples, relationships, and sexual experiences. You might even be part of the growing group of women who identify as late-blooming lesbians — discovering same-sex feelings at older ages. It’s okay to be a lesbian. It’s a beautiful thing! The best way to determine whether you are a lesbian is to listen to your heart and trust your intuition.

4. You’ve kissed a woman

Kissing a woman does not necessarily mean that you are a lesbian. However, if you enjoyed it and want to do it again, this could be a sign that you are attracted to women.

It’s important to remember that sexuality is fluid and can change over time. If you kissed a woman and did not enjoy it, it may be that your attraction is more to men or that you’re bisexual.

You can also listen for hints from her body language. How she reacts to casual touching such as sweeping her shoulder while you hold her hand or the way she leans into your arm when you walk her to the table can tell you a lot about how she feels about you. She may not be ready for kisses, but she’s probably open to more physical closeness.

5. You’ve gone down a lesbian rabbit hole

Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who works for Healthline. She also writes for a variety of other outlets including Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Self, and Women’s Health. In her spare time, she enjoys watching TikTok lesbian porn, drinking a pint of IPA, and hiking with her border collie.

While it may take time to work out, if you feel attracted only to other women and don’t experience sexual attraction towards men, then it’s likely that you are a lesbian. It’s important to remember, however, that sexuality is a fluid spectrum and it’s perfectly normal for some people to feel attracted to multiple genders over the course of their lives. If you’re still unsure, try spending some time with the LGBTQ community.

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